When parent’s split the automatic pressure is co-parenting. You must learn it, love it, and do it. No If’s, and’s, or but’s. The assumption is even if you can’t co-parent in a healthy manner that you have to find a way to do so.
News flash… those people who are telling you so need to pull their heads out of their misinformed A**es.
Don’t get me wrong, Co-parenting is ideal. So is candy for dinner, world peace, heck me being back into a size 5 is ideal. So while ideal is nice and all, Ideal is not always realistic.
Your marriage ended. For whatever reason it ended. Whether you just couldn’t tolerate one another, or infidelity was the answer for one or the other, or you both mutually agreed the relationship came to a halt. It’s over.
Unfortunately for us… we all know “first comes love, than comes marriage, than come a baby in the baby carriage” but than what… what happens when it all comes crashing down. Truth is no one really knows. Think about it… divorce wasn’t an actual thing until the 1950’s so the path is still being paved.
Now, if it was a mutual agreement co-parenting may be all good and well, but what happens to those that were abandoned, or traded in for a newer younger model? What about those couples? Do therapists and courts really expect the hard feelings to be put aside?
By definition Co-parenting is a parenting situation where two parents work together to raise a child even though they are not living together, this includes making decisions together.
Parallel parenting is when “each parent agrees to parent their child effectively, parenting “next to” one another rather than “with” each other. Minor issues concerning the children are not communicated about. However, each parent does provide the other parent with “important information” about the children, without debating about the parenting plan or either one’s style of parenting.” (Bell, 2017).
I often though that co-parenting automatically meant shared custody. This isn’t always true. You can co-parent even when one parent has sole legal custody. Bringing the other parent in to help make decisions, and help out with the child does nothing more than show the child that mommy and daddy are still working together, and that there is no pressure on the child regarding their relationship with their parent’s.
Believe me, I get it. Co-parenting isn’t always a choice. Honestly that’s okay. If you can’t necessarily tolerate one another than parallel parenting is probably the better option for you. This simply means that only the big things get spoken about, and it doesn’t necessarily have to be verbal communication. Emails, text’s and parenting notebooks work great too.
As I always say at end of the day the main goal is making the child happy, and ensuring that the child-parent relationships are being fostered to be the best that they can be.
Bell, D. A. (2017, February 15). The Definition and Merits of Parallel Parenting. Retrieved from Drallisonbell.com: http://drallisonbell.com/collaborative-artlcles/the-definition-and-merits-of-parallel-parenting/
Any questions? Need to vent? I would love to hear from you
Sara, Mommsie Knows Best